why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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