Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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