Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
