He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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