I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
