literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
