Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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