Your mouth is God's brothel.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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