Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
