I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
