i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
