quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
