Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
