I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
