I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Can Purell be used as lube?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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