I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he thought i was a dude.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
