Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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