just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
