Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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