I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
