Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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