Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize