Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
