I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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