And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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