just survived the first fart of the relationship.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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