You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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