I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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