Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
