Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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