Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
