Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Boobs are out for the taking
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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