Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
