we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
