Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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