Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
