they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize