let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
