So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
