Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
