I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
