I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
