I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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