Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
