guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
