he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
