I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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