You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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