i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
