Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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