Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
