Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize