I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
