Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
