I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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