never play flip cup with pint glasses
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
