Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i was born a porn star she said
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
