I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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