My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
