I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
