It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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