my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
