Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if only i could text you this smell
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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