I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
